Anak

'Tahniah Maya! Awak dapat anugerah penulisan Bahasa Malaysia terbaik tahun ini' kata Cikgu Afifah.

Gila weh.

Baru darjah dua dah dapat anugerah penulisan bm terbaik! Aku makan apa ek? Aku tulis apa doh? Aku pun tak ingat karangan apa aku tulis exam haritu.

Maya merembat anugerah penulisan bm terbaik selama tiga tahun.

****

Apabila Maya melangkah ke fasa baru yakni sekolah menengah, dia telah mendapat tawaran sekolah berasrama penuh. Dipaksa oleh kedua ibu bapanya. Maya terpaksa akur. Malah, tersimpan satu hasrat dalam dirinya iaitu, membuktikan kepada kedua ibu bapanya bahawa dia bukanlah seorang anak yang manja dan mampu berdikari serta berdiri di atas kakinya sendiri. Nun jauh sekolahnya di Kedah, bukanlah tempat yang 'cool' bagi dia. Dia bukanlah orang yang jenis berkawan dengan budak-2 kampung. 

"Like eww, I tak kawan dengan bebudak low class macam ni. Erghh sorry, not my standard at all", katanya dalam hati.

Dia memaksa dirinya untuk tidak menangis mahu balik. Ataupun memujuk kedua ibu bapanya untuk datang melawat dia setiap hujung minggu. Bukankah azamnya ingin membuktikan kepada kedua ibu bapanya? Jadi dia harus tabah dan kuat! Dia sanggup memaksa dirinya untuk menyukai orang sekelilingnya yang tidak mencapai langsung standardnya, berdepan dengan guru-guru yang garang serta peraturan yang ketat nak mati! Semua ini hanyalah kerana dia merasakan dengan cabaran yang diberi oleh kedua ibu bapanya untuk belajar di sekolah asrama, dia akan membuktikan bahawa dia boleh survive tanpa mereka disini.

Ya, dia sanggup pergi ke sekolah asrama kerana dia merasakan kedua ibu bapanya mencabar 'surviving skill' dia. Maka, dia menyahut cabaran itu dengan hati yang separuh rela.

Maya memang seorang yang ego dan keras kepala. Malah, dia juga pantang dicabar. Padahal tiada yang mencabarnya. Dia sahaja yang perasan kedua ibu bapanya mencabar dirinya untuk survive di boarding school.

Little did she know that Allah loves her.

Allah placed her in a boarding school because there's a one thousand and one lesson for her to learn

Because there's a lot of good people for her to meet

Yang orang kampung tadi tu. Malu la maya oiii

Because that is the place where Maya's success will begin

She didn't see all these 'hikmah' because she wasn't mature enough to think all those wonderful blessings Allah gave her.

And now?

Shame on her for thinking rude about that school, teachers, friends and everything nice there.

****

Apabila mencapai Tingkatan Tiga, Maya kerapkali juga mendapat markah tertinggi dalam subjek Bahasa Malaysia kerana karangannya yang mantop telah menyumbang markah paling tinggi untuk subjek itu.

Jay ni apa masalah kau? Dari tadi pasal bm apehal? Aku tak faham ke mana hala tuju bm kau tu. Haish naik menyampah pulak aku dengan kau ni Jay. Aku tumbuk muka kau kanggg!

Haishhh, tak sabar-2 betul laaaaa. Hahahaha. Tak, sebenarnya bm tu nak bagitahu yang Maya berkebolehan dalam menulis karangan pepanjang macam ni.

Hahahaha okay back to the main story.

Maya changed to better school when she was in form 4. Again, that school is located in Kedah but it is way more further to her home compared to her previous school. Keletang keletung keletang keletung, she managed to finished her studies in Kedah. What a nightmare man. It is very hard for her yet she has proven to both of her parents that she managed to do so well in Kedah. She felt so satisfied until that creepy thought came into her mind when she was relaxing at home after her spm.

Maya has 5 siblings and she's the second one.

Alright, Maya has an older sister. Her sister also studied at a boarding school and well technically, her sister cries a lot during her Form 1 year but Maya in the other hand, cries only once. The issue here is not to compare who cried the most. No. But the issue here is, whenever her sister asked their dad to come visit her, their dad won't refuse to come. Every week pulak tu! Lasted for about 2 to 3 months jugak la duringthat Form 1 year. But Maya in the other hand, got no visitors every weekend like her sister did during her year.

Maya does not like to force her parents to come and visit her. She only said that she wants to be visited once a year. Mashaa Allah! While her younger siblings got frequent visits from dad, she only got once a year. Maya's parent siap  nak buat picnic dekat boarding school adik dia padahal when she was in her boarding school no one seems to care she even exist. Yang dieorang tahu, Maya must get good result. Allahu Rabbi. She is so jealous of her younger siblings she wanted to turn back time. But that can never possibly happen. Sometimes she thought that she's an adopted child. Or maybe her parents doesn't seem to love her for putting her in a jail at Kedah. Anak buangan ke aku ni? She felt so sad to even think about it. Without her realising, there's a root of hatred inside of her. She felt so angry to both of her parents plus jealousy towards her younger siblings. Everything inside here is all negative. She can't help it. 

Allah. After all her efforts, secebis kasih sayang pun tak boleh dihulur ke?

She can't control her emotions, rage and sadness.

She's on a heavy depression only Allah knows it.

She sometimes thought of killing herself but she can't.

Because all she wanted was love from both of her parents.

The thing is, she can't see their love towards her.

Sedih lagi orang yang ada ayah dan ibu tetapi seperti anak yatim piatu. Berbanding dengan anak yatim piatu tapi seperti mempunyai seorang ayah dan ibu.

Everything is wrong.

She always blame her parents for sending her to Kedah for 5 crucial years.

She blame her mother all she can.

Blaming her dad all she can.

Until she feels satisfied.

But for how long?

She does not want this to happen.

All she wanted is for her parents to make it up to her.

Make her happy for 5 years ahead.

To make it up to those years they wasted not spending time with her.

Tu je.

And now, after her spm, her parents wanted her to pursue her studies abroad.

She can't herself from being so mad so pissed so rage.

This time, she won't tolerate unless they make it up all the time they wasted not spending time with her. 

Sorry not sorry, she became extremely emotionally depressed added up the hatred grew inside her.

Sedar tak sedar, there's a root of revenge inside Maya.

I just hope Maya can always think straight. Because people who are deeply depressed, cannot think straight plus they have the potential to do something that can bring harm to their own self. Or maybe the people around him/her.

****

Cerita dekat atas sebenarnya ceni. Maya ni terlalu depressed sebab parents dia macam tak sayang dia. Plus, dia jealous tengok frequent visits yang adik beradik dia yang lain selalu dapat from their parents. Dia rasa macam dipinggirkan dan tidak disayangi. Padahal kalau dalam record adik beradik dia, she's the number one rank lah sebab selalu dapat good results. Tapi kasih sayang tu tak wujud. Dia kekurangan kasih sayang. Sebab dia lupa. Kasih sayang itu sebenarnya milik Allah. Bila dia rasa tidak disayangi, sebenarnya masih ada yang menyayangi Maya. Tapi yelah, kita manusia sering sangat lupa. Sebab itulah iman harus kuat berpijak di dalam hati. Jadikan iman sebagai benteng kepada segala hasutan syaitan untuk melakukan perkara-2 yang bahaya akibat depresi yang teruk.

Maya datang daripada broken family. Bila kita cakap pasal broken ni, selalunya yang menjadi mangsa adalah anak-2. Ditambah lagi dengan masalah keluarga yang bertimbun banyaknya. Itu tidak termasuk masalah kesihatan. Masalah iman. Masalah syaitan. Mashaa Allah, terlalu banyak masalah sampai kita terlupa nak bersyukur dekat Allah. Bersyukur untuk apa Jay?! TAKKAN BERSYUKUR UNTUK MASALAH?!! 

Kalau aku kata ye cane?

Mashaa Allah, bersyukurlah kerana Allah masih mengingatkanmu supaya sentiasa mengingati Dia. Caranya ialah dengan memberi masalah/ujian.

Bersyukur jugak sebab masih ada rahmat Allah untuk kita sahabat! "Count your blessings not your problems."

Cuba lah telan juga kepahitan kopi dunia ini. Walau pahit mana pun, in the end Allah akan bagi something sweet jugak. Percaya tak pada Allah? Kalau Muslim, percayalah bahawa Allah tidak pernah memungkiri janjinya. Melainkan manusia yang penuh dengan janji manis. 

So what if this worldly life is not perfect, it is not Jannah :)

P/S : Maya, here are my notes of love for you. Bersabarlah kamu. Dan cubalah berlapang dada dengan parents kamu. Dan maafkan lah mereka seperti mana mereka sentiasa memaafkan kamu. Dan cubalah untuk berubah menjadi yang lebih baik daripada mereka. Ambil pengajaran hidupmu sebagai tiket untuk kamu menjadi seorang yang lebih baik. Jika kamu bersabar dengan ujian Allah, inshaa Allah, Allah gantikan kebahagiaan buatmu. Yakinlah pada Allah. AND PLEASE CHANGE YOUR ATTITUDE! -.-

-JasmineJay-